Monday, August 22, 2011

No picture. Just musings.

It's a weird thing, loneliness.

I am in a house with three other people. None of these people are my friends. In fact, I cannot wait for them to move out.

The house that I am in is a street away from my college campus. I can see campus from my bedroom window.

A couple people that I know are on campus. There are even a few people who live off campus that are around.

And yet, I am lonely. I am so lonely.

Generally I am a very extroverted person. I love being around my friends and getting to spend time with them. Whether we're studying, watching movies, singing, laughing, crying, whatever we're doing. I love being with them.

And none of my close friends are on/around campus yet.

And I am so lonely.

I am so lonely it hurts. I want to see people. I want to see my friends.

There is one person in particular that I really want to see. But this person and I are in a weird place right now. It's strange but I won't know how our relationship is until we see each other.

And in a moment of panic and stress, I reached out to this person. The night I was locked out I called this person to see if they were on campus and to see if maybe I could sleep in the dorm they are living in. This person's phone was off so I had to make due and I later texted this person saying that I got my situation figured out. I got a text from this person the next day saying that they were glad that I got things figured out and that they were sorry for not getting the text. I said that it was ok. And that was the end of it. Nothing more. I know this person is busy and that's probably why there hasn't been much contact even though we're in the same place since May. But I can't help but think that the situation is changed from what I thought it might be.

And that scares me.

And I've reached out to other friends, just to have someone to talk to.

And they are probably busy too, because I haven't gotten a response from them either.

And I know they love me, and I know that they aren't doing this on purpose.

But it scares me all the same.

I feel lonely. And I can't seem to get anyone to talk to me, to alleviate this loneliness.

And that is the scariest thing of all.

I must seem like a whiny bitch to anyone who is reading.

But I'm not a strong person all the time.

I have my moments of weakness too.

And I need a place to express that weakness too.

And that's here.

Kelsey Page
Did I Go To The Gym Today?: Yes. See previous posts.
“But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” ~Matthew 6: 33-34

No comments:

Post a Comment

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...